Sunlight

There's teaching Jewish law and tradition, and then there's crawling so far up your own ass that you can no longer see the sunlight, and Jewish rabbis sometimes devolved into the latter.

In the course of preparing for my family's Passover Seder, I briefly studied the basis for the tradition that one leans to the left while drinking the four cups of wine. This practice is commanded in the Talmud, which states "even a poor man in Israel may not eat until he reclines."

There is a textual basis given in the Midrash (an ancient written commentary on the Torah) and that is worth exploring for a moment. It starts with this text from Exodus 13:

When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them on the road through the Philistine country, though that was shorter. For God said, “If they face war, they might change their minds and return to Egypt.” So God led the people around by the desert road toward the Red Sea. The Israelites went up out of Egypt ready for battle.

See that phrase, "led the people around"? In the original Hebrew there's one word for that: וַיַּסֵּ֨ב, or "way-yas-sêḇ." When you say it in Hebrew, that sounds similar to הסבה, or "hasevah" – the Hebrew word for reclining. The Midrash concludes from this that everyone, even the most humble or poor Jew, is required to recline at the Seder as if he were a nobleman.

I wish I were kidding.

It's as if God commanded "the husband of the house shalt rake thine leaves every Friday" and then His people got good and liquored up and thought to themselves:

"Rake" sounds very similar to "bake" .. God must want us to have a hot, fresh loaf of bread ready to greet the man who is raking the leaves when he comes back inside.

The learned men then go on to produce countless volumes of text exploring every aspect of this idea: What kind of bread must be produced to await the exhausted raker of leaves – does it have to be a fresh loaf, or would soft pretzels be good enough? And if the man goes outside to rake and his wife forgets to prepare the bread, should he scatter the leaves and rake again? And since Torah commands wives to obey their husbands, does the wife need to obtain formal permission before baking the bread, or does the husband's act of raking count as implied permission? And if the husband is injured or crippled, and the wife goes to rake instead – is the loaf of bread still required, and who should prepare it?

Lest you think I'm imagining things, the rabbis came up with rules just like this for what to do when someone forgets to lean. And the rules are different depending on whether they forgot to lean during the first cup of wine, or the second. And, of course, the rabbis all disagree with each other about what the rules should be.

Regarding the four cups of wine, if he forgot to recline for the first cup [Kiddush], some authorities maintain that he must repeat Kiddush while others maintain that he need not do so.

As for the second cup, one should drink another cup but not repeat the blessing. Regarding the third and fourth cups, some authorities maintain that one must drink another cup while reclining, while others maintain that there is no need to do so.

-- Source

There is a difference of opinion whether one should recline or sit upright while reciting the haggada.

As a general rule, women are not required to lean at any time during the Seder, though some authorities rule that a "distinguished woman" should lean. There are a number of interpretations as to which women are considered "distinguished" in our day.

Due to the requirement for one to revere one's father and rabbi, a son in the presence of his father, or a student in the presence of his rabbi, should obtain permission before reclining at the Seder.

-- Source

Why This Bothers Me

Apart from the impressive ability of learned men to hallucinate meanings into a text, this bothers me because it undermines God's plan for the Jews. God promised from the beginning that He would set them apart from all other nations and make them a holy people. In return, he commanded that they not be influenced by other nations – not by their gold, or their gods, or their women.

Now if you obey me fully and keep my covenant, then out of all nations you will be my treasured possession. Although the whole earth is mine, you will be for me a kingdom of priests and a holy nation. (Exodus 19)

When the Lord your God has delivered [other nations] over to you ... do not intermarry with them. Do not give your daughters to their sons or take their daughters for your sons, for they will turn your children away from following me to serve other gods, and the Lord’s anger will burn against you and will quickly destroy you. (Deuteronomy 7)

Instead, the Jews do exactly what they shouldn't do over and over, and this leaning thing is just one more example of the same. They see the wealthy Romans, who are above them, behaving a certain way – and they want to imitate it. To justify their imitation, they re-interpret their own holy scriptures – the words of their God. And to add insult to injury, these wise and learned men make their false interpretations so transparent that a child ought not be fooled.